Biology Is An Under-Sexed, Jealous Nerd-Boy

In the transfer program at my college, depending on your degree you have to take a certain number of class hours before you can graduate, as with any college. So, for a two year program that means taking basic college classes and other classes pertinent to your degree. So far, this is an agreeable and fair situation that is common for any college or place of higher-learning. I am getting my Associates in the Fine Arts, which is your basic degree for people afraid of math. Unfortunately  in order to successfully acquire the degree and the ability to transfer,  I have to take 8 credit hours of science. Now, I did have to take one math class but it was college algebra, which may have some relevance in reality. But now I have to take two classes on a subject that I and possibly everyone else in my degree program, just don't fucking understand. I'm pretty sure that the guy who put the degree requirements together was some jealous science nerd who got tired of looking at the long-haired English major who got all the girls and decided to he was going to fuck with every future liberal arts major. Someone like Chad. You know, the creepy guy who lives in his parents' basement and I think looks like the fat serial-killer from The Sandman. This guy:

I like a good running gag. I would get used to this if I was you.

This semester I am taking Biology. I don't really mind science all that much. Psychology is great. Once I understood physics, it was mind-blowing. If they let us use more combustible liquids, chemistry could have been fun. Einstein and Tesla were sexy bastards.Unfortunately me and Biology have had a tumultuous relationship since my freshman year of high school, I get the simple stuff. Stuff like basic human anatomy, evolution, we need oxygen, photosynthesis, cells are tiny, and other stuff like that. Ask me about that stuff, I can give an intelligent answer. Ask me what the equation is for cellular respiration and I will tell you to go fuck yourself sideways and then I will call on my army of attack bears and they will maul the crap out of you. That's biology.

The one on the left is Boris, Ivan is in front, and Gregor is behind Boris. 
Gregor's a bit touched in the head.

I'm probably not going to need to know what cellular respiration is. It won't be necessary in an emergency situation and no one is going to want to read about a process that makes ATP. Someone tell me what use it is of for me. I understand that without it we would probably die, as with all of the other stuff I am learning about. But after this class I am going to forget the minute details and go back to thinking it happens because magic.

It's not all bad. For instance, we are currently learning about human genetics and crap like that. It's interesting, sure, especially when you learn about traits and how they are formed and what happens when the process doesn't go as expected. That's cool and I understand that stuff. It's when we do stuff like figuring out how to make a karyotype from a jumble of unorganized chromosomes. Oh, you don't know what a karyotype is? You must not be a geneticist.

Karyotype. It looks kind of like a bunch of tiny knee-socks..

A karyotype is an arrangement of all your chromosomes so they can be seen and analyzed and it's also how scientists determine if you have certain abnormalities. That's cool, and congrats to geneticists because they are much smarter than me. But if all those squiggles were jumbled together, I wouldn't be able to tell which is which, let alone put them in the proper pairs.


Then again, that's pretty much the same story for my socks.

I like scientists. I adore The Big Bang Theory, I think Nikola Tesla is the bomb and Einstein has go to be one of my favorite people. Darwin is responsible for how I think of a lot of things in the world. Marie Curie was in my mind one of the foremost people in the Women's Right Movement because she is responsible for a lot of the first research in radiation and thank goodness for Ignaz Semmelweis telling doctors to wash their hands. Bill Nye is a cornerstone of my childhood. Oh and Harold Crick was tripping hard on acid when he came up with the double-helix design for DNA. I think scientists are some of the coolest and occasionally sexiest people. They figure out how shit works. They know the whys and the whats of the world and it amazes me to no end. A lot of them are my personal heroes and I love them to death. I just know that the person in charge of my degree program had low self-esteem and was jealous because he wasn't getting any and decided to use his limited power to mess with my day. Chad, I swear to God if it was you, Boris and Ivan are going to kick your ass. And Gregor is probably going to sit there and.... lick his balls or maybe drool.  I don't what he's going to do, but it's going to be friggin' terrifying and you are going to shit your basement-dwelling breeches!