A Gift From An Idiot

I got to honk the horn on my car today for the first time. It was a great privilege for me. Not that I have never had the chance to do so, it's just that I have a new car (finally) and it has a working horn, which is a novel little perk for me. So, I got to honk the horn today at someone who I am pretty sure was on the phone so he deserved more than just a honk, perhaps a good boxing on the ears, but nonetheless an idiot on his phone would not move when the light turned green so I got to honk my car's horn (I refuse to say "honk my horn" because something about that sounds weird). Then there was that self-satisfying moment between the honking and the going where you know exactly what is going through the person's head and you can see without seeing exactly what they are doing. I like moments like that.

Why yes, I am awesome like that.

Anyhoo, Dickhead McTextypants finally goes and I figured I would give him a little extra punishment so I played a little game of "You Made Me Wait At The Light, So I'm Going To Accelerate Until I'm Right on Your Tail" and I got all hunched up over my steering wheel as if I was somehow menacing but in reality I am short and not menacing and afraid of bees. Then, as I am wont to do, I started talking to McTextypants. "I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you" and then realized that YMMWATLSIGTAUIROYT (as the kids call it these days) is nothing more than a game of tag. And what's more, driving itself is nothing more than a game of tag. But with the added risk of FIRE.

Now it's really a game

Now, stay with me. Think of the road from a bird's eye view. All the little toy cars are really just chasing each other around. None of them want to get to close because once you start packing up together, you make a bigger target. Plus you don't want to get to close to whoever is "it" for fear of being tagged and thus having the title of "it" being passed along to you.

Much like this, but with more tears

I have noticed something from working with children that when the child who is "it" finds a suitable candidate to pass along the torch (re: the slowest child) the new "it" child experiences something strange. The field seems to grow larger and expand. The other children are speeding by, too quick to catch, as if all of a sudden they have rocket boosters attached. The immense undertaking that lays before this child is heartbreaking and soul crushing and all too much for one child to handle. And when you have experienced this once, you never want to experience it again. So when you are tagged you call out "Nay! Thou hast not touched me, vile cretin! How dare-est thou even consider such a foul and blasphemous lie! I call a pox upon you and your family!" which roughly translates to "Nuh-uh!" and an argument then ensues. Names are called, tears are shed, hair is pulled, and in general everything comes to a stand-still. As though it were a traffic jam.

Do ya?

Going back to driving (and adulthood), whenever you are "tagged" there is a grand pause and tears and shouting and arguing and perhaps even hair-pulling until the cops come to pull everyone off each other (playing the part of the teacher) and resuming traffic flow once again (the game resumes). The fun part here is, and something I want to figure out how to incorporate at my job, the person who is "it" is unknown; a mystery player. Which is honestly a great thing, minus the damage and fire and arguing.

Edit: Minus the damage and arguing and death-causing-fire. Other fire is okay.

I suppose I should thank Dickhead McTextypants. But not really. Don't use your phone when you're driving. Everyone knows you aren't supposed to do it. It's like getting caught in class with your finger up your nose. You look stupid and lose friends.

This child is not being bullied. He is learning a valuable lesson.

Oh and it's election day.....yep. Bye now.